The matter of in-laws is one which many wives wish did not exist in marriage. This is because it's the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law have a tendency to dislike their mothers-in-law and not many daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to say in regards to a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they will not have one if they marry their husbands. Personal injury
Many mothers-in-law tend to be seen as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You will find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on a single hand and the mother-in-law on the other hand. To be able to provide understand the causes of the conflict, it's pertinent to gauge the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must certanly be put inside their right places. Thus they've formed an opinion of their in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a wife has a kind and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue anything that the mother-in-law says or does.
A partner might have an illusion that after her husband marries her, he must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A person will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of the scripture, they appear to forget that the exact same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents when he married a wife. He must continue steadily to relate together and to provide for them. However, his relationship together shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in lots of places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is a product of an African's cultural values specially the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is a beautiful and commendable cultural system which allows a part to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this system is a member's assumed directly to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the best to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the ability to do so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the main culprit. A son who grants rights of interference to his relations is obviously with a lack of maturity and is still in bondage to his parents i.e. tied with their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men aren't just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the ability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to handle one's challenges
There's a full world of difference between a healthy respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men don't seem to learn this difference. A son who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has become a part of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached with their parents especially their mothers and this is actually the loop a mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the very intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers usually are very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may have experienced rough and difficult marriages inside their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace inside their children to comfort them and take care of them. They could have suffered a whole lot and had borne numerous indignities to teach and talk about their children. They would see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a woman appears on the scene to take away her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that when her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the front seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will dsicover as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a fight for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can't be pleased or satisfied with a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy especially when the mother-in-law had a hard and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely enthusiastic about the welfare of their son that your daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
